Tuesday, November 20, 2007
i cut myself to see if it hurts as bad as how you hurt me.
i stressed myself up to see if it kills as bad as how you've killed me.
i let my blood flows to see if i'm still alive like how you've MADE me feel.
love don't develop overnight. love develops overtime.
you built me up and tore me down.
so much for my fucking happy ending.
maybe the problem lies in me.
i maybe egoistic sometimes....ok..all the time.
but my confidence level is low.
my perception of guys changed not for the fact that guys are bastards.
i never thought guys are bastards
but it's because i feel that im never good enough for you or other guys.
and why? like i said , i've got no confidence in myself.
i don't know how other girls do it.
but im not like any one of them.
im sorry
i don't follow their footsteps cuz i want my footsteps to be left behind even when im gone.
im sorry but you've to take my shit.
from day 1 you've known me
that's how i'll be until the end of time
this is a vow i've made ever since the day my soul exists
i'll change for you
i'll neglect everyone for you
i'll not take cabs for you
i'll not waste money for you
i'll erase all my shit for you
i'll do something even if i hated it for you
i'll not look at other guys for you
i'll quit smoking for you
i'll give up my dreams for you
i'll not die for you cuz i'll only die for my family
i'll do anything for you
but you don't appreciate
that's just too bad
and i'm trying my very best to move on
but the sweet little scar that you've carved on me will always be there
until the scar fades,
that's when i know i've moved on to the next level.
just so you know,
I'm a fucking GIRL.
who says the society is equal?
tts bull shit.
Girls don't make the first move.
i've learnt my lesson
looks don't matter
what matter most is the person hidden beneath his skin
i rely solely on me cuz i can't rely on anyone anymore
its not about trust
i refused to show my mood cuz i don't want it to affect you or my friends
i thought i could rely on you
but i was so fucking wrong
my world came crashing down right after what you've done to me
all along i was trying to be an angel behind you
supporting you
helping you
builing up your walls when it collapse
but like i said, you never appreciates
actions speak louder than words
and you jolly well know whats that supposed to mean
i aint trying to get back what i've contributed
but its about GRATITUDE
i've to lie to my friends
lie to myself
TO MYSELF!
just to keep the friendship going
almost everyday
every night
i've to worry
for what ?
for fuck!
for the fact that i'm concerned bout your everything
one last thing
there are loads of good looking guys in my school
but none of them seems to be as well groomed as you
that wasn't how i reacted for the past few years
but now i've changed
changed for the better???
i guessed not
cuz u'll never understand.
i hate what i'm doing in school
i don't wanna be a banker or get myself related to some banking shit
but i've no choice
look at the big picture
read between the lines
i'm getting myself motivated to study hard just for you
why ? i don't know
probably my mom's right
love is fucking blind
i shouldn't have got so emotionally attached to you
i shouldn't be your guardian angel
i shouldn't have got so into you
i shouldn't have existed in this fucking world full of shit
i've became someone that i don't even know
i want to be me
but you've changed me
i loved it at first
and i'll love it till the day my soul don't exist anymore
XOXO
11:25:00 PM
